This Too Shall Pass

It's been one of my harder mama days in recent memory. Hollis is teething and won't let me put him down. Bea, refusing to sleep these days, rapidly fluctuates between sheer delightfulness and just plain rude. David is sick with fever and quarantined upstairs. And although this is entirely out of his control, I also find it rude. And incredibly thoughtless. I am bleary eyed from months of sleep-deprivation and without rope in most moments.

This morning wasn't pretty. Bea was so cranky from lack of sleep. We both were, actually. I had to apologize to her for my tone and reacting harshly to her. Hollis was screaming, inconsolable. They both peed on my bed. At virtually the same time. In what was maybe my only clear moment, I chose not to die on the breakfast hill today and so when Bea refused all the food, I surrendered. Okay, don't eat. Why not. I just couldn't fight her.

All the while, walking, shushing, bouncing Hollis in desperate yet futile attempts to soothe him. Change the diaper. Try to feed. Burp. More teething tablets. Walk. Shush. Bounce. Rinse. Repeat. At some point I threw a scribbled check out the front door at the lawn guy. Walk. Shush. Glare at him for having the audacity to need payment when it's due. My eyes brimmed with tears and I choked back my own screams numerous times. And it wasn't even 10 am.

You know that scene in Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood when Ashley Judd drives away and sleeps for days in a hotel by the shore? Yeah, I get that. I'm capable of that. Yet somehow, today, I didn't drive away. I only feel mildly less crazy than I did at 10 am. And not much has changed about the state of things around here. But the sun will rise tomorrow, and this too shall pass. I think that's one of the biggest lessons parenting has given me: This too shall pass. All will be well.

Why did I tell you all this? Because there's an ugly beautiful side and most of us don't admit it here, in the world of shiny back to school photos and full of fun summers on Instagram. Because I really do believe that vulnerability is strength. We could all use a little bit more Truthbooking. Here's to a new day dawning. For all of us.